Lost Love

Dedicated to Prabal Panjabi

My mind is empty, if empty is what you call a head full of memories I’ve tried incessantly to erase,
I expected you to be like the rest, you ended up lasting longer than any other phase.

Your presence was my sanctuary; I worshipped your every ideal,
That I could have discovered you in this lifetime, the entire realisation seemed so unreal.

With you being around me, entities like time ceased to exist,
Your absence was marked by the blade flowing freely on my blood stained wrist.

Days passed by, drenched in obscurity, I recall being conscious only when you were around,
I was intoxicated with every dose of this addiction called ‘love’ that I had found.

I spend each moment in numbness...I’m completely devoid of any feeling,
No was a word too brutal for me, I haven’t yet begun healing.

I wanted to leave this place, just the way you left me, but how can one end life without oneself being among the living,
I wish you’d come and revive me, I’d take you back this instant, I’m still as forgiving.

You’ve always brought out the best in me, and now you attract the worst,
You became the origin of my life’s purpose, and then you stopped me from quenching my thirst.

If desertion was your only plan, those three weight filled words why did you say?
What was the need to show me how to be happy, and then instantly take it all away?

What you gave me was indescribable, and never can I love another again,
When all I ordered from you was love, why did you have to deliver only pain?

I’m not human enough anymore, the part of me that mattered the most has been forsaken,
If this is what love feels like, then I pray anyone considering it is not mistaken.

The Ex

I know I shouldn’t be writing this, I sense it doing me no good,
I can’t help but fall into the category of men who don’t follow the path they should.

I’ve been harbouring a feeling within, a feeling of insatiable distress,
The choices I’ve made and what they’ve brought me, my life i.e. my mess.

Tried I have endlessly to erase her memories, with my attempts resulting in vain,
Such is the curse of a powerful memory, unimaginable is the pain.

I was reminded a few days ago, when i saw a butterfly’s tattoo on a feminine back,
I relived the perfect month i was blessed with, and now she’s the only perfection i lack.

She had the skin of a silkworm’s final product, and dusky brown was her shade,
She had hair like Bathsheba herself and questions requiring declaration of love I would evade.

We commenced our journey on the road to alliance, and inevitably my gender had me betrayed,
She accepted immediately, and i was blown away by the purity she both breathed and portrayed.

Distance was not known to us, and undesirable quarrel did not feature in our conversation,
I was indebted to the Alpha, for bestowing upon me this astonishing life- altering relation.

I realised I had lived in a vacuum all my life, for the meaning of satisfaction she helped me discover,
Had it been devoid of any pleasures of body contact, I would still not hesitate to be her unconditional lover.

Alas, as this agonizing journey has taught us, the best things in life are in fact, never meant to be,
It was required of me to make the sacrifice, as my brother confided his love for her in me.

The purpose of separation was not fulfilled, and two nucleo individuals eventually departed,
The question that pierces through my melancholy depression is,”Would we have finished what we had started?”